There seems to be an innate drive in us humans, a push to seek after a better version of ourselves. To want more. Better grades, thinner thighs, that new corner office, that ever-hungry need for approval. We scrounge and stumble—usually failing more than we succeed—as we make our way toward it. Being a girl who’s tried for most of her life to be something she isn’t, this always felt so overwhelming.
I constantly created goals, all pushing me to “better” myself in some way. I needed to “fit”. With those smart kids in class. Those other homeschool parents. The other women who seemed to have it all together.
Because those kids had the cool outfits. The homeschool mom’s houses were always so clean and decorated so crisp—their tummies shrunk back from birthing twins, good as new, while mine just fell to my knees like it was made of silly putty.
*pokes finger into stomach, then watches flab slowly return to fill the hole*
In other words, as I strove for my “personal best”, I also felt the weight of my inadequacy more and more. And then, one day while recovering from surgery, I had an epiphany: I AM ENOUGH. Me. Rachel.
Yes, that Rachel. The one with the pink hair, who’s always giggling during the sermon, who’s happier playing Legos than cleaning them up. The child in adult shoes. She is enough.
So, I’ve come to my line in the sand. The place where I finally say, I’m here and people just better get used to it. Because there are things that I am and things that I am not. And since my dad, and best friend in the whole world passed away last Fall, it came to me once more; he always loved me unconditionally, just the way I am. So why can’t I?
I am not:
A Good Housekeeper
Smartest In The Room
But, I am:
A Good Mom
Hopeful For The Future
What are you? Look inside and allow yourself the right to be You. Even if that makes the rest of the world a little uncomfortable sometimes. It also makes it more colorful.